C.J. EHRLICH
playwright
opposite the Riverside Theatre, Bristol PA
PLAYS
Full Lengths
THE CUPCAKE CONSPIRACY: Terrorism is easy. Marriage is complicated.
by C.J. Ehrlich & Philip J. Kaplan
(comedy, 2F, 2M principals, plus 2 proteans playing various roles, 90 minutes,)
When nebishy, newly-separated Max sneaks out on a blind date behind his soon-to-be ex’s back, he finds himself up to his neck in a terrorist plot involving cupcakes. Really evil cupcakes. His date with the sultry Natasha could be the most exciting night of his life -- if he can just foil her plot, and more importantly, keep his wife from finding out!
“Clever, fun, funny” - Nancy Churnin, Dallas Morning News
“WOW. If you don’t like to laugh, if you are offended by sharp wit... or if you have a problem with hilarity in general, you should not see this play.” - Chris Cortinas, theatre critic/blogger, Plano TX
“A clever, scrumptious diversion” - Examiner.com (national)
● See "Productions" page for productions and awards history. For production photos: www.facebook.com/TheCupcakeConspiracyThePlay/. Do not be distracted by delicious cupcake shops masquerading as this delightful comedy. Get in touch via the Contacts page to request a script sample.
THIS TIME WE’LL MAKE IT WORK (anti-rom-com, 3F, 3M, 90 min)
Tom’s a computer geek. Winnie’s a fundamentalist in a strange cult. After a disastrous blind date. they agree to change their bad dating karma with a bold experiment: stay together, no matter what. Not that they want to get married. Not that they are even compatible. They just want to “make it work.”
● See "Productions" page for workshop credits. Get in touch via the Contacts page to request a script sample.
THE MALTESE BABKA (noir comedy, 5M, 5W, plus extras) Join private investigator Jake Pantograph on a delightfully comic sally into the world of noir, as he tries to track down a missing girl, a blackmailer, a one-of-a-kind black diamond necklace, a hot babka, and some ice for his drink.
When femme fatale Rochelle Badinski hires Jake Pantograph to find her missing sister Mimi, his investigation leads him into a twisty maze of mysteries wrapped in danger. How far will socialite, Portia "Bunny" Washbasin go to break up her son's engagement to Mimi? Who's blackmailing billionaire Hannibal Dirch, and who was invited to the scanties-party on his yacht? Will the will be read on time? How many sides are there in a love triangle? Can Jake find his way through this tangle of suspects, seductions, red herrings and off-kilter theories, to punish at least one bad guy? There won't be any black-and-white answers in this homage to the shapely characters, snappy innuendo, and sultry settings of film noir.
● For production history, see "Productions" page. Get in touch via the Contacts page to request a script sample or production photos.
THE HAPPINESS CURE (comedy, large, multi-age, multi-ethnic cast)
by C.J. Ehrlich & Philip J. Kaplan
On a tropical island isolated under a socialist dictatorship since the 1950s, Dr. Daniel Mittelschmertz has to improvise with what little medicine he has, and the patients who live love him for it. Beautiful Nurse Sophia loves him too, but Dr. Dan is busy tinkering with his ultimate invention, a “happiness box.” Will Dan revolutionize health care with machinery or will he be lost in the machinations of an intruder from the capitalist world?
● Workshop, Art Effects Theatre Company, New York, NY, 2010
MUSICAL MUSICAL (comedy, large cast)
A community theatre struggles to put on the mega-musical comedy “Titanic” and fights off sabotage from a rival group.
● Workshop reading, Amadeus Theatre Group, Chappaqua, NY
FLIGHT OF FANCY (comedy, 3F, 4M)
Dual identities, secret surveillance, over-sexed septuagenarians, cheating spouses and an artistic masterpiece no one’s ever seen: who wouldn’t want to retire in Florida?
● Developed in Bernard Kops playwrights workshop
HERE BOY (screenplay)
A pretty American caterer and a lonely British executive tangle with a trio of crazed dognappers.
One Acts (15-30 minutes)
HOMESPUN WEBS - “Imagining Louise Bourgeois”
(comedy with magical realism, 2F - 20-25 min)
Tipsy and lonely, her first night in her new apartment, newly-divorced Madeline’s about to lose it -- until she’s interrupted by an unlikely visitor who wants to talk spiders.
● In the 365 Women a Year Playwrighting Project (365womenayear.wordpress.com).
● Premiere: "The Women Artist's Journey", Williamsburg Art and Historical Center, Williamsburg, NY, 2009
I AM THE EGG MAN (drama, magical realism, 2F, 1M, 30 min)
On the fringes of society, hounded by the law, Rowly Hopkins lives to protect freedom, individualism, and scientific inquiry: he collects eggs from the nests of endangered species. Will he make another lonely expedition for Science and the Ages, or can he convince his new girlfriend to join his quest? ● Workshopped with Westchester Collaborative Theatre ● Philly Primary Stages, “Flipping You the Bird,” Philadelphia PA, 2013. LIKE MANNA IN THE DESERT (comedy, 2F, 2M - 15 min) Time: Exodus 32. Setting: The Sinai Desert. “Big Brother” is up the mountain, conferencing with You Know Who. Down in the Sinai, Maya and Yosi take a breather to ask “are we there yet?” -- and run into unexpected guests. --”Very clever, good-natured satire with lots of laughs.” ● Finalist Temple Players “Tribal Humor 7” Trumball, CT 2013. OCCUPY THIS! (a duo of short comedies, 25m total) Spare Some Change. An entrepreneurial homeless man tries to convince a businesswoman to invest in his lunch. (1F, 1M) View from the Occupy Bridge. A noob in everyone’s favorite 99 percent movement struggles to articulate their demands. (3F, 2M) ● Premiere: Republican Theatre Festival, Cara Blouin and Forearmed Productions, Philadelphia PA, 2012
Comments with my adorable assistant.
THE RED & GREEN ROOM (comedy, 1F, 2M, 1 either - 15-20 min)
No Exit, meet the Mario Brothers!
Three actors chafe and fume in the Green Room while the star hogs all the stage time. Love, lust, jealousy and existential angst, behind the scenes at a video arcade.
● Premiere: Ingenius Fest, Manhattan Theatre Source, NYC 2012
ROOM CIRCUS (screwball comedy, LGBT, 2F, 1M - 30 min)
Jake’s about to ditch Margot in the honeymoon suite, when a surprise visitor arrives with a special order of room service. Fasten your seat belts - it’s going to be a bumpy honeymoon. Partial nudity is welcome.
● Premiere: Grin Theatre "Queertet", Liverpool, England, 2014
SHREW MAN vs. SHREWMAN (comedy, 1F, 2M, 1F/M - 25 min)
The last, the rarest, the only banned “Shrewman” comic has finally resurfaced. Now everyone wants to get their claws on it!
Riffing on our new re-discoveries of 1940s superheroes and comic collectibles, this family-friendly comedy has everything: geeks, sneaks, shrews, news, Teamsters, armed robbery, a flying pool table, Governor Dewey on the wireless, wanna-be superheroes and the other kind (real). Also there's a lot of musk. Because musk happens.
An epic tale of super powers and secret identities.
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-“Borders on the insane” - Terry Shea, Motif Magazine, Providence RI
● 39th Annual Samuel French Off-Off-Broadway Festival, New York, NY, 2014. For more, see Productions page.
TUESDAYS IN THE PARK WITH RIVER APPLE
(comedy, 5F - 20 min, strong language)
Abby’s new to the city and to full-time motherhood. Who knew joining a playgroup could be so hard? Play nice, ladies!
● Winner: BEST PLAY AWARD, 33rd Annual Fringe of Marin, San Rafael, CA.
● Premiere: American Globe Theatre 15-Minute Play Festival, New York, NY 2009
WHOM DEATH DOTH S/EEEk (adult comedy, 2F, 2M - 30 min)
Sexy model Yulia’s lusting for a pair of pricey pumps, her plus-sized friend Stef’s daring her to charm the sales clerk into a quickie discount, and a mysterious stranger’s appears, knowing way too much about Yulia’s shopping history.
This dark comedy will have you quaking in your stilettos and cleaning out your closets!
● U of North Texas, dir Bloo Rodriguez, Denton, TX 2009
ZANE TO GATE 69 (sci fi comedy, 2F, 2M - 45 min)
A handler from the future briefs a bumbling secret agent on what could be his - and humanity's - last mission. But will she be in time?
--“Delightfully ridiculous - Daffy fun! The show is as entertaining as Zane is clueless. Don’t miss it.”” - Deborah Martin, My San Antonio.com
● Production premiere: Overtime Theatre, San Antonio, TX, 2016
